Dissappointing yourself.

Yesterday was a crappy day.
It's hard to explain how it happened. I weighed myself in the morning. I saw a number I really liked. My scale's however the most unreliable thing ever, mostly due to the uneven floors in the place I live in.
Seeing I was making progress made me sabotage myself. While the day started off fine, lunch was disatrous and dinner even more so.
While saying that, disastrous these days is still not as bad as it used to be. I used to drink 4 lattes a day, accompanied by a load of oreos or reese's cups, having dinner that could've fed 3 people.

Yesterday I lost control. I lost sight of what it is I'm working towards.
I'm not worried though, because today will be better.

In terms of C25K I'm behind schedule. It's ridiculous to say that I can't make time for running 20 minutes a day, but that's my excuse. I'm swamped with work, and while running doesn't take long, getting to a place where I can run where noone sees me takes a lot of time. I need to get past my anxiety.
But I'm doing things at my own pace. Whatever. The coming weeks will be stressful ones. In terms of school-related things, exam period last semester was the worst 6 weeks of my life so far. And that's what I'm facing now. My weight bounced back up during exams last semester, so I'm going to focus on my eating. Keeping that under control is key to this whole journey and I have to be able to do it - even when I'm under stress.

D2W1 of C25K

Well hello there

I did it!!!!
So chuffed, seriously...
After 50 minutes of pressing the snooze button, I finally got up at 10 to 7 this morning (yeah i calculate at least 30 minutes of snooze button pressing before my actual awakening time....i'm a real hero, innit).
Threw my workout clothes on, glugged down a couple of glasses of water, grabbed a banana and on my way to the lakey-parky-abbeyey area where I do my running.
I realised that it takes me considerably more than 20 minutes to get there. Going there, run-walking, and returning took up almost 1h40mins of my time... Not complaining though, it was lovely..
So, I ran. I was terrified when the first run started, I anticipated (for whatever reason, selfdoubt is my perpetual master) that it would go much worse than the first time around. But it didn't...
IN FACT IT WENT MUCH BETTER.


I am assuming that I ran slower (no shame in that), I really tried to pace myself this time, to not reach complete knock-out by the end. And, seriously, it was ok. First time around I felt like I would never be able to move to Week 2, but now it seems like a possibility, even if a distant one :)

Here's to many more good runs
Cheerio
Sarahc

Updateroo

Well then.

Tomorrow I shall be running Day 2 of Week 1 of C25K. I am excited and scared. My legs have been hurting a bit the last few days, and I'm starting to think the fact that I made it on Sunday way a fluke/dream. I am of course announcing this on here, because, even though noone probably reads this, tomorrow morning when my alarm rings I'll convince myself someone did and will hold me accountable for what I promised.
SO TOMORROW I'M DOING D2W1 of C25K.

My eating has been on and off the last 2 days. Main meals, I do fine, but I still have to work to get snacking under control. I snack too much, and I won't be able to lose weight efficiently when I eat the way I do.
I am annoyed becuase deep down I know all it takes to change is for me to do so. It's so easy and so hard at the same time.

Time to sleep now, soon.
Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to check in with some good news about the C25K thing.

I'm no longer a C25K virgin!

I did it I did it!!!!!!!

My first time C25K, my first time running since... well, a long time!
I got up this morning, granted, not at 6am. I overslept. But I did get up at 7.30, which is still a feat for me. Walked to the park I selected for running (it's beautiful, see for yourself). It took me about 20 minutes to get there and I was relieved to see that it was quite deserted when I got there. The first few segments of running were ok. While I was pretty out of breath my breathing normalised swiftly once the 60 segment was over. Granted, my walk wasn't exactly a brisk walk, I did what I felt comfortable with.

The last 2 running segments kicked my ass though. The fat me screamed for me to stop, but the fit me cheered me on, and I made it through the whole thing.
Now, I'm knackered, but at the same time I feel like I've achieved something. I'm excited to see the progress I will make although I expect it to take me at least 4 months to get to week 2 of C25K :D

And now I must do some studying.

Snacking

Snacks.
Are my enemy.
Healthy snacks. Not so healthy snacks. Outright unhealthy snacks.

Each time I buy something snackable, I somehow manage to convince myself that this time around, I will not eat the whole thing at once.
'These crackers', I say, 'these crackers will go incredibly well with my soup'.
That's what I said yesterday for example. When I looked at the caloric value of the crackers, I realised I'd have to eat them with CAUTION, as they're not only incredibly delicious, but also incredibly high in calories.
Same goes with dried mangoes. I love them, and I everytime I buy them I vow that I will not eat the whole 100g at once, because it's quite high in sugar and calories. And each time, to desire to just chew and chew and chew until everything's been eaten.

Anyway, something i need to get under control.

On another note, I've been trying to find a way to work some moving into my schedule. I have a membership for the gym, but exams are coming up and looking back at the exam period last semester I realise that I won't be using the gym. The gym only opens at 10am (I know, right) - by then I've already been studying for 2 hours. If I dare to stop studying to go to the gym, it'll take me too long to get my ass back into studying mode. What I need is movement before I start studying - after I get up.
So i've been contemplating C25K for a whole while now, and I've been reading on other blogs how much people weighed when they started. You see I'm scared I'll tear, rip or break something inside me, considering that my joints and bones are carrying an awful lot of weight. But I'm somewhere around 110kg right now, and I figure it's time to try.
I've still been putting it off, because I've been telling myself that I still haven't found a good spot for running yet... I live in the city centre, and like the typical self-conscious fat person I am, I'm terrified of running anywhere other humans are gathering.
Today I went for a walk however to a park a bit outside, and I think it might be a good location.
It takes me about 20 minutes to walk there, then I can run/walk/trip around the lake, and walk back all sweaty.

I have decided that tomorrow morning I shall start Week 1 of C25K and if it kills me. I'm gonna get up early in the hopes that noone will be up and running (literally) at that time of the day (6.30am is the plan) on a Sunday. We shall see. If there are people I guess I'll just have to put my blinders on.
I was equally terrified to go to the gym for the first time, and it turned out not to be a problem either. Noone threw stones at me or anything of the likes. I shall prevail :)

So long,
Sarah

Introduction

Alright,

I am blogging. I will try to stick with this because it's a good outlet, considering I don't really have anyone to share this journey with (well not full disclosure style anyway).

I'm Sarah, 23 years old (not for much longer though). I am a student, I am also overweight. I weigh about 242 pounds (110kg) right now.
In August of last year, something clicked inside my head and I realised I couldn't go on like this. This what? you say?: well, I was weighing 278 pounds and I was thoroughly unhappy. My life wasn't going the way I wanted it to, and I realised the only one to blame was myself. For a long time I tried to blame my parents for my weight problem, or I tried to blame my genes, or the world in general. Last August it occured to me that in fact, all it takes to lose weight it to man up, take control and lose weight. As Nike would say, Just Do It.
So, for a while, i just did it.

I have lost over 35 pounds, and while I lost motivation for a bit, I'm back on track and as ready as ever. While I haven't been losing any weight the last two months or so, I haven't been gaining either, which is something I'm relatively proud of. Maintenance is a first step.

But now it's on to a brighter future.